Birthday

My birthday passed... not too long ago. It was April 24th. I turned 16 years old. I didn't really celebrate much, I saw my best friend and my boyfriend. But on the weekend following, I went to Medieval Times, here in Toronto, Ontario. My best friend Kati and I went, including my mom and my aunt and uncle. They recently changed the show, and it was incredible being back there. I love going and watching their beautiful horses preform. Truly a memory I will remember.

Dogs

My puppy Layla turned 10 months today. I am trying to convince my mom to get another dog to help her out with her anxiety of leaving me, and also cause I really want another. ;P I honestly love dogs so much, they are so smart and adorable. Best animals out there.

Mistake

I made a really big mistake. I hurt the one I love the most, and there's no way I can fix it. I really wish I didn't mess up so much.

Conflict

So recently I've been stuck in a conflict. I have a boyfriend, whom of which I adore. But I also have a best friend, whom of which I love and have been best friends for nearly my life. The huge problem I have is... they hate each other. I'm stuck in the middle of this. I guess I gotta deal with it.

Think

Recently I've been thinking about everything. -My life goal -School -My past -And the present. Currently I'm not attending school, why? I'm terrified to go. Because of what my teacher did to me last semester, I'm scared that all my teachers will. I'm scared to fail, and to disappoint everyone including myself. I'm scared of my friends that always judge me, and never respect me. My body has been feeling up and down lately. One day I will feel utterly great, the next... I feel horrible. Some days, even getting out of bed scares me to the point of shaking. I can't even think about going to school without crying my eyes out. My anxiety is building up higher and higher. Hopefully I can take the meds they prescribed me and I will feel happy like they said I would. It will make me happy right? Do I deserve to be happy? The goal that I've always wanted to do in life has always been, and forever will be a Veterinarian. But I'm wondering if I should start thinking of back up plans. And back up plans, for my back up plans. Since my Head Injury, I know my brain doesn't work as it used to. Everything I learn and understand, disappears in a matter of weeks. I'm so tired of feeling stupid. And my past! That's been driving me crazy. The history of abuse, and the fear that I'm left with today. Wondering if I will ever feel like a normal human again. But then again... I'm not normal.

Wondering

Lately I've been wondering if I really am happy. I mean, I feel like I could be, but then I feel like I shouldn't be. Why do I deserve to be happy? I've been told I do, but why? Why should someone who isn't good at anything, be happy? What reasons do I have? Other people deserve it more. I'd much rather be miserable. I think I'm happy that way. I'm happy being sad.

Family

I hate family.

Who needs them?

I really want a new one...
someone who...loves you.

Instead I'm stuck with someone who hits you.

And someone who tells you "You deserve nothing".

Is it possible to adopt a better family?

How much will that cost?